Thursday, July 28, 2011

Strength of the Mind

I always think of my brother when I feel low or when I’m upset about something. He was just 16 when the tragedy struck him. Doctors diagnosed him with Alopecia (loss of hair leading to baldness) and the chances of his recovery were almost negligible. His problem was very acute as he had lost all facial (eyebrows, eye lashes, hair on scalp) and bodily hair (this condition is known as Alopecia universalis). Imagine what thoughts must have ran through the young mind of a 10th grade teenager when he was given the options of wearing a permanent wig or using an eyeliner pencil to draw his eyebrows every day. A shiver rolls down my spine everytime I try to put myself in his shoes. Teenage is the most enjoyable period of a person’s life because one is totally carefree and has so many dreams and aspirations to work on. Instead of dreaming about girlfriends he was probably thinking about how to dodge the constant question that everyone had about his apparent looks. We, as a family had decided early on that we were going to treat him like nothing had happened. We had to be strong so that he could fight the sympathatic attitude of the world. Had it not been for his motivation and strength of perseverance, he would have become anonymous in this ruthless world long back. I thank God everyday for giving him the serenity to accept his condition, the courage to face the world and the wisdom to emerge a true winner. Today, after 5 years of constant struggle, my brother is a scholarship holder in his college, got a job in the first lot of the brightest students of his batch and has the biggest social circle (of both boys and girls) amongst boys of his age.

My parents had left no stone unturned in trying to get him cured. They tried everything: right from discussing his condition with the most experienced doctors , performing all kinds of rituals that anyone and everyone suggested, fasting for his fast recovery to going to saints and priets. Though these constant trials on my parents behalf might have helped but I would still say that it was his humility and spirituality that helped him sail through this ordeal.

We all need to realize that the only solution to lead a happy and healthy life is to keep working hard towards our goals without getting discouraged by failures or adversities. This can be achieved only if we keep ourselves constantly motivated. I derive my daily dose of motivation from this courageous boy who stood the test of time with utmost strength, determination and positivity.

For Reference (As taken from the internet)

Alopecia universalis is an uncommon form of alopecia areata. Alopecia areata is hair loss of unknown cause, characterized by round patches of complete baldness. Alopecia universalis, which presents itself as the loss of hair over the entire scalp and body, is an autoimmune disease, in which the immune system mistakenly attacks the hair follicles. While there is neither a cure for alopecia areata nor drugs approved for its treatment, some people find that medications approved for other purposes can help hair grow back, at least temporarily. Since the hair follicles of individuals with alopecia universalis remain alive, hair regrowth may occur even without treatment and even after many years.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Why Only Boys!!!!

Why aren’t people happy when a girl child is born? Why is girl child such a big taboo in our society? My questions are never answered and I know they will never be answered till our society decides to widen its scope of thoughts and acceptability. And will that happen anytime soon? Well, I doubt that too…..

There was a lady in our neighbourhood who compelled me to write this article. She was blessed with 3 consecutive girls. Blessed is solely my adoration for the girls as they weren’t so much of a blessing for the family in reference. The youngest girl had probably sensed her family’s desire of a male child because she was growing up to be a complete tom-boy. Right from her gender goof up in sentences, her hairstyle, her clothes (that were primarily blue in colour) to her choice of games, she could easily fool anyone for being a boy. This is one part of the story of desperation. Here comes the other part.

As the lady was married in late 20’s, she had entered her late 30’s by the time she delivered the 3 girls. Any sane person would have thought that ‘this was it’ for her and her family. But we all were appalled when we came to know that the lady was pregnant for the fourth time. Being pregnant for the fourth time was not shocking. Being pregnant at 39, primarily to have a boy was. If rumuors were to be believed, the family had got the sex of the baby determined through influence and money. Well, they didn’t leave any stone unturned, did they?

This lady was on complete bed rest from day 1 of her pregnancy. I am not sure about other medical complications (if any) but we used to hear about her being sick most of the time. Finally, she delivered a baby boy. I’m sure that would have been the happiest day for the entire family. After all, they had risked a woman’s life for the heir of their family. The boy got 2 mothers. One biological and the other through his biological mother: his eldest sister. I left for my higher education and time went by.

On one of my vacations I saw that family again. There was an old man, an old fat lady, 2 girls and 2 boys. Oh, I realised there were 3 girls with one of them transformed into a boy (only outwardly). And then, my heart went out for the boy….

The boy was not normal. One could easily tell there was something wrong with him. His movements, his facial features, his gait… something was not right. On inquiry from my mother I came to know that the boy had Down syndrome….

I felt sad and angry at the same time. Was the family happy now to have a handicapped boy? Wasn’t this boy a bigger liability than the girls? Would this boy be able to bear the responsibilities of a family man? Was the family justified in robbing the girlhood of a small child for their selfish interests? Would this girl turned onto a boy ever be able to adjust well into a society eclipsed with so many social taboos for her?

When God created this universe, he didn’t create an inferior or a superior being. He simply created a male and a female who had to undertake the journey of life together, walking hand in hand, not one following the other. Let’s not destroy the delicate balance created by him by obliterating and humiliating the very source of life’s origin.

For reference (as taken from the internet)

Down symptom:

Down syndrome (also called Trisomy 21) is a genetic disorder that occurs in approximately 1 of 800 live births. It is the leading cause of cognitive impairment. Down syndrome is associated with mild to moderate learning disabilities, developmental delays, characteristic facial features, and low muscle tone in early infancy. Many individuals with Down syndrome also have heart defects, leukemia, early-onset Alzheimer's disease, gastro-intestinal problems, and other health issues. The symptoms of Down syndrome range from mild to severe.

Although no one knows for sure why DS occurs and there's no way to prevent the chromosomal error that causes it, scientists do know that women age 35 and older have a significantly higher risk of having a child with the condition. At age 30, for example, a woman has about a 1 in 900 chance of conceiving a child with DS. Those odds increase to about 1 in 350 by age 35. By 40 the risk rises to about 1 in 100.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Boy on the Street


Sometimes small incidents can teach you a lot in life. I had gone to a shopping arcade in Gurgaon some days back. Since I didn’t get any parking space in the open parking lot, I parked my car at some distance from the market in a by-lane. After shopping, when I was going towards my car, a small boy started following me. Though his clothes were torn and dirty, his hair were nicely combed and he had a pleasant look on his face. He had some packs of pencils in his hands which he was trying to sell to me. As it was extremely hot and I had a lot of stuff to carry, I tried to shrug him away the moment he came near me. But he was very persistent. He kept following me till my car and kept repeating the same sentence again and again. “Le lo aunty, mujhe bhook lagi hai” (Please buy the pencils so that I can eat with the money you give as I am hungry). “Aapni beti ke liye le lo” (Take it for your daughter). The scorching heat had made me very impatient and irritable and I scolded him the next time he tried to strike a deal with me.

The poor boy must have sensed my irritability because he didn’t utter a single word after that. But he didn’t even stop there. He kept following me silently till my car. He waited patiently till I loaded my stuff in the car, drank some water and made myself comfortable. He knocked again when I turned on the ignition and said, “ab to le le, bahut bhook lagi hai”. (Please buy the pencils now, I’m very hungry).

I was least interested in the pack of pencils he was offering but I didn’t want to argue with him anymore. So, I took out a 10 rupee note and gave him. He took the money and forwarded the pack of pencils to me. I told him to keep both the money and the pencils because I didn’t need the pencils. “Nahin nahin, yeh to lena hi padega. Mein bina diye paise kaise le loon.” (He said that he would not accept the money if I didn’t accept the pencils). I tried to tell him that it was ok for him to take the money and go but he was adamant to accept money only if he could sell his product.

Then he said something which surprised me and made me feel very ashamed. “Agar aise hi paise lene hote to mein bheek hi mang leta, Aunty”. (He said that if he wanted money like this, he could have begged for it on the streets like a beggar).

I was dumbstruck by his attitude. Those 10 rupees were very important for him. He had invested so much time and energy in trying to convince me to buy the pencils so that he could get those 10 rupees. And probably he was telling the truth that he was hungry. I could see his bones jutting out and peeping helplessly through his torn clothes. But in spite of being offered money, he refused to accept it till he could sell his product. I never expected so much self respect from a small poor boy of his age and background. He probably didn’t even realize that he was trying to maintain his dignity of labour by not taking money from me in charity. But the attitude and confidence he had in himself was something I had not seen in many well educated and affluent people of our society.

I took the pack of pencils from him and gave him the money. I asked him if he went to school. He told me that he and a few other boys went to a charitable institute, every evening, to study. A lady voluntarily came to teach them. I asked him if I gave him the pencils as a gift, will he sell them again for another 10 rupees. He said if he wanted to do that, he would have taken the money in the first place. I told him to keep the pack of pencils and distribute it amongst his friends in the evening as a gift from me. The boy smiled and took the pack from me. He took out the four pencils and put 1 in his pocket. “Meri pencil bhi toot gayi hai. Ek main rakh leta hoon, baki teen apne doston ko de donga”. (I’ll keep 1 as mine is broken and give the other 3 to my friends).

I smiled and rolled up my window. As I was leaving, I saw the boy waving from my rear view mirror. This is a very small incident but whenever I think about it, it makes me humbler and more grounded.

As Mahatma Gandhi has rightfully said “They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them”, this anonymous boy on the street was a true example of this phrase. His poverty had not given him an excuse to become a beggar or lose his self respect. Lack of resources had not diluted his spirit to study. I wish we all could learn a lesson from such boys on the streets and try to make a difference in our lives.