Beware! Children are watching

A recent movie to have affected me personally was ‘Ferrari ki Sawari’. It had a very strong and practical message. ‘Jo Dekhega wohi to seekhega’. (The child will learn from whatever he sees his/her parents do). Children learn and copy whatever their adults do. On retrospection of this thought, I realized that it is so true. 

I have a 3 year old daughter and she tries to ape both my husband and me in most of her activities. Though it’s difficult and embarrassing to admit, but both my husband and I have this irritating habit of nail biting. And it has directly impacted our child. She can be seen with her fingers in her mouth most of the time. We have practically tried everything to try and stop her but none of our efforts have been successful. But now if I see her nail biting, I don’t feel like scolding her or threatening her or punishing her. Why? Because, she is not wrong. She is just trying to copy her parents. How does a child, as small as my daughter, know what is right or wrong? She probably thinks what her parents do is right. Why should we scold her? Instead, shouldn’t we try to change ourselves? I often ask this question to myself, but the sad part of the story is that it is also not easy to change habits easily as you grow old. But in order to help my child overcome this bad habit, I have started being more conscious about not biting my nails as much as I can. It is instances like these which make me realize why they always say that children are like wet clay. They can be moulded in any shape you want. And as a parent I feel sad when my daughter picks up any of the so called bad habits from either my husband or me or any other relative.

I am learning new things everyday as my daughter is growing up. She has taught me to be more patient, more efficient and more responsible. But most importantly, she is teaching me to be a better person. How? If I have to teach her to be a good and sincere person, I have to first learn to be a better person myself. Ultimately, she is going to learn things from me (besides school of course). It is rightly said that parenthood is like a second life. It is a whole new process of learning. And believe me; this learning is more challenging than the subjects we all have studied in schools. It is because this learning comes along with the added responsibility of teaching the people (or children) you love the most in this world. Now imagine this; if we all try to change ourselves even a little for the betterment of our own children, wouldn't this society be so much better to live in? I know I’m being too idealistic but what’s the harm in trying to improve upon our bad habits for the sake of our own children?

Strength of the Mind

I always think of my brother when I feel low or when I’m upset about something. He was just 16 when the tragedy struck him. Doctors diagnosed him with Alopecia (loss of hair leading to baldness) and the chances of his recovery were almost negligible. His problem was very acute as he had lost all facial (eyebrows, eye lashes, hair on scalp) and bodily hair (this condition is known as Alopecia universalis). Imagine what thoughts must have ran through the young mind of a 10^th grade teenager when he was given the options of wearing a permanent wig or using an eyeliner pencil to draw his eyebrows every day. A shiver rolls down my spine everytime I try to put myself in his shoes. Teenage is the most enjoyable period of a person’s life because one is totally carefree and has so many dreams and aspirations to work on. Instead of dreaming about girlfriends he was probably thinking about how to dodge the constant question that everyone had about his apparent looks. We, as a family had decided early on that we were going to treat him like nothing had happened. We had to be strong so that he could fight the sympathatic attitude of the world. Had it not been for his motivation and strength of perseverance, he would have become anonymous in this ruthless world long back. I thank God everyday for giving him the serenity to accept his condition, the courage to face the world and the wisdom to emerge a true winner. Today, after 5 years of constant struggle, my brother is a scholarship holder in his college, got a job in the first lot of the brightest students of his batch and has the biggest social circle (of both boys and girls) amongst boys of his age.

My parents had left no stone unturned in trying to get him cured. They tried everything: right from discussing his condition with the most experienced doctors , performing all kinds of rituals that anyone and everyone suggested, fasting for his fast recovery to going to saints and priets. Though these constant trials on my parents behalf might have helped but I would still say that it was his humility and spirituality that helped him sail through this ordeal.

We all need to realize that the only solution to lead a happy and healthy life is to keep working hard towards our goals without getting discouraged by failures or adversities. This can be achieved only if we keep ourselves constantly motivated. I derive my daily dose of motivation from this courageous boy who stood the test of time with utmost strength, determination and positivity.

For Reference (As taken from the internet)

Alopecia universalis is an uncommon form of alopecia areata. Alopecia areata is hair loss of unknown cause, characterized by round patches of complete baldness. Alopecia universalis, which presents itself as the loss of hair over the entire scalp and body, is an autoimmune disease, in which the immune system mistakenly attacks the hair follicles. While there is neither a cure for alopecia areata nor drugs approved for its treatment, some people find that medications approved for other purposes can help hair grow back, at least temporarily. Since the hair follicles of individuals with alopecia universalis remain alive, hair regrowth may occur even without treatment and even after many years.

Why Only Boys!!!!

Why aren’t people happy when a girl child is born? Why is girl child such a big taboo in our society? My questions are never answered and I know they will never be answered till our society decides to widen its scope of thoughts and acceptability. And will that happen anytime soon? Well, I doubt that too…..

There was a lady in our neighbourhood who compelled me to write this article. She was blessed with 3 consecutive girls. Blessed is solely my adoration for the girls as they weren’t so much of a blessing for the family in reference. The youngest girl had probably sensed her family’s desire of a male child because she was growing up to be a complete tom-boy. Right from her gender goof up in sentences, her hairstyle, her clothes (that were primarily blue in colour) to her choice of games, she could easily fool anyone for being a boy. This is one part of the story of desperation. Here comes the other part.

As the lady was married in late 20’s, she had entered her late 30’s by the time she delivered the 3 girls. Any sane person would have thought that ‘this was it’ for her and her family. But we all were appalled when we came to know that the lady was pregnant for the fourth time. Being pregnant for the fourth time was not shocking. Being pregnant at 39, primarily to have a boy was. If rumuors were to be believed, the family had got the sex of the baby determined through influence and money. Well, they didn’t leave any stone unturned, did they?

This lady was on complete bed rest from day 1 of her pregnancy. I am not sure about other medical complications (if any) but we used to hear about her being sick most of the time. Finally, she delivered a baby boy. I’m sure that would have been the happiest day for the entire family. After all, they had risked a woman’s life for the heir of their family. The boy got 2 mothers. One biological and the other through his biological mother: his eldest sister. I left for my higher education and time went by.

On one of my vacations I saw that family again. There was an old man, an old fat lady, 2 girls and 2 boys. Oh, I realised there were 3 girls with one of them transformed into a boy (only outwardly). And then, my heart went out for the boy….

The boy was not normal. One could easily tell there was something wrong with him. His movements, his facial features, his gait… something was not right. On inquiry from my mother I came to know that the boy had Down syndrome….

I felt sad and angry at the same time. Was the family happy now to have a handicapped boy? Wasn’t this boy a bigger liability than the girls? Would this boy be able to bear the responsibilities of a family man? Was the family justified in robbing the girlhood of a small child for their selfish interests? Would this girl turned onto a boy ever be able to adjust well into a society eclipsed with so many social taboos for her?

When God created this universe, he didn’t create an inferior or a superior being. He simply created a male and a female who had to undertake the journey of life together, walking hand in hand, not one following the other. Let’s not destroy the delicate balance created by him by obliterating and humiliating the very source of life’s origin.

For reference (as taken from the internet)

Down symptom:

Down syndrome (also called Trisomy 21) is a genetic disorder that occurs in approximately 1 of 800 live births. It is the leading cause of cognitive impairment. Down syndrome is associated with mild to moderate learning disabilities, developmental delays, characteristic facial features, and low muscle tone in early infancy. Many individuals with Down syndrome also have heart defects, leukemia, early-onset Alzheimer's disease, gastro-intestinal problems, and other health issues. The symptoms of Down syndrome range from mild to severe.

Although no one knows for sure why DS occurs and there's no way to prevent the chromosomal error that causes it, scientists do know that women age 35 and older have a significantly higher risk of having a child with the condition. At age 30, for example, a woman has about a 1 in 900 chance of conceiving a child with DS. Those odds increase to about 1 in 350 by age 35. By 40 the risk rises to about 1 in 100.

The Boy on the Street

Sometimes small incidents can teach you a lot in life. I had gone to a shopping arcade in Gurgaon some days back. Since I didn’t get any parking space in the open parking lot, I parked my car at some distance from the market in a by-lane. After shopping, when I was going towards my car, a small boy started following me. Though his clothes were torn and dirty, his hair were nicely combed and he had a pleasant look on his face. He had some packs of pencils in his hands which he was trying to sell to me. As it was extremely hot and I had a lot of stuff to carry, I tried to shrug him away the moment he came near me. But he was very persistent. He kept following me till my car and kept repeating the same sentence again and again. “Le lo aunty, mujhe bhook lagi hai” (Please buy the pencils so that I can eat with the money you give as I am hungry). “Aapni beti ke liye le lo” (Take it for your daughter). The scorching heat had made me very impatient and irritable and I scolded him the next time he tried to strike a deal with me.

The poor boy must have sensed my irritability because he didn’t utter a single word after that. But he didn’t even stop there. He kept following me silently till my car. He waited patiently till I loaded my stuff in the car, drank some water and made myself comfortable. He knocked again when I turned on the ignition and said, “ab to le le, bahut bhook lagi hai”. (Please buy the pencils now, I’m very hungry).

I was least interested in the pack of pencils he was offering but I didn’t want to argue with him anymore. So, I took out a 10 rupee note and gave him. He took the money and forwarded the pack of pencils to me. I told him to keep both the money and the pencils because I didn’t need the pencils. “Nahin nahin, yeh to lena hi padega. Mein bina diye paise kaise le loon.” (He said that he would not accept the money if I didn’t accept the pencils). I tried to tell him that it was ok for him to take the money and go but he was adamant to accept money only if he could sell his product.

Then he said something which surprised me and made me feel very ashamed. “Agar aise hi paise lene hote to mein bheek hi mang leta, Aunty”. (He said that if he wanted money like this, he could have begged for it on the streets like a beggar).

I was dumbstruck by his attitude. Those 10 rupees were very important for him. He had invested so much time and energy in trying to convince me to buy the pencils so that he could get those 10 rupees. And probably he was telling the truth that he was hungry. I could see his bones jutting out and peeping helplessly through his torn clothes. But in spite of being offered money, he refused to accept it till he could sell his product. I never expected so much self respect from a small poor boy of his age and background. He probably didn’t even realize that he was trying to maintain his dignity of labour by not taking money from me in charity. But the attitude and confidence he had in himself was something I had not seen in many well educated and affluent people of our society.

I took the pack of pencils from him and gave him the money. I asked him if he went to school. He told me that he and a few other boys went to a charitable institute, every evening, to study. A lady voluntarily came to teach them. I asked him if I gave him the pencils as a gift, will he sell them again for another 10 rupees. He said if he wanted to do that, he would have taken the money in the first place. I told him to keep the pack of pencils and distribute it amongst his friends in the evening as a gift from me. The boy smiled and took the pack from me. He took out the four pencils and put 1 in his pocket. “Meri pencil bhi toot gayi hai. Ek main rakh leta hoon, baki teen apne doston ko de donga”. (I’ll keep 1 as mine is broken and give the other 3 to my friends).

I smiled and rolled up my window. As I was leaving, I saw the boy waving from my rear view mirror. This is a very small incident but whenever I think about it, it makes me humbler and more grounded.

As Mahatma Gandhi has rightfully said “They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them”, this anonymous boy on the street was a true example of this phrase. His poverty had not given him an excuse to become a beggar or lose his self respect. Lack of resources had not diluted his spirit to study. I wish we all could learn a lesson from such boys on the streets and try to make a difference in our lives.

Those who can, Do. Those who can't, Teach.

Listened/I/Loved/I/Voice/Because/Her

Can you decipher this line? I’m sure most of us can. I was appalled to know that 9th class English teachers were not able to decipher this rather simple question. (I listened, because I loved her voice) Some truly incompetent wise heads got together and decided that the question was probably wrong. So they put in place of it a question to which they already knew the answer.

Another example is from a class on social studies. In one if the chapters there was a small passage on Population. And at the end of it was a question: What is population? Within the passage, there was no direct answer to this question. Outside references should / could / might have been used to come to the right answer. But strangely enough the teacher marked out a few lines within the small passage as "THE" answer to the above question. The only connection it had to the question was that the word population was mentioned in it once. I asked the student about it and he said that if they do not write the answer that the teacher has dictated, then the answer is marked as wrong or not entirely appropriate. So they are forced to mug things up, even if they are wrong. Now 9th graders should be given the liberty to use their brains just a little bit. But if they start using their brains then the teachers also have to do the same and at a much larger scale.

But the teacher simply made his/her job easy. Instead of having to read, correct and mark 40 to 50 different answers he/she simply got the whole lot to mug up one single version of it.
In both the above cases the teachers acted lazily and, to put it a bit harshly, refused to make much use of their mental faculties.
These are not just lame examples to condemn teachers. They are real life stories. But in order to understand it better, I went and asked some students in my locality about what they felt about it? Do they feel suffocated at not being able to express themselves? An angry 11th class student told me how he was restricted to “follow the book” and not allowed to experiment with harmless salts in the chemistry lab(he just wanted to check what reaction would happen with a different salt and all the salts were totally harmless). On asking the lab attendant as to why were they not allowed to experiment with different salts, the lab assistant smiled and said “teacher ko kudh aata hoga to aapko samjhayega na?” (The teacher will explain only if he knows anything beyond what’s there in the book). He narrated the incident where that particular teacher was embarrassed in front of the entire class long back when one student had asked questions on performing similar experiments.
“Do you find your teachers worthy of their profession?” I asked an engineering student.
“There are all types of teachers in my college. Some are truly great and are really concerned about us making a good career out of our education. Some are not bothered. They just wait for their salary slip. Some are jealous of us and don’t teach as well as they should.”
“Jealous?” that was an interesting thought.
“Yes Didi, there are teachers in my college who are jealous of us because they think that after we pass out from the college with an engineering degree; we would be earning much more than them. I don’t know if they are sadists or morons, but they are not worthy of a noble profession as teaching”, replied the upset student.
I thought it would be a good idea to know a parents perspective also. How satisfied are the parents with this system of education? I met a parent who has a master’s degree from USA. I thought he would be able to give a fair picture of both worlds.
“Teachers can be categorized in three categories. First are the ones who just do their work for money. Second are the ones who are really passionate about teaching. Now, this category can be further divided into two subparts. “
“Ones who can and others who can’t.”
“The ones who can are those who go the extra mile in making their lectures as interesting and informative as possible. They encourage students to be proactive. They engage each student in the learning process. The ones who can’t have all the knowledge that is needed about the subject, but they don’t know how to deliver their thoughts in an interesting way.”
“Unfortunately, our country has more of either the first category teachers who teach for money or the passionate teachers who don’t know how to teach. That is the prime reason why we all end up being book worms and are unable to grasp the real essence of any subject. “
When parents hand over the responsibility of education of their child to the teachers, they actually place an unspoken trust in the teachers that they will help in molding their child into a learned individual. But does “learned” mean cramming up few lines and producing the blueprint of dictations on the answer sheet to score good grades? I’m sure you all disagree with such a psyche. Cramming up is nothing but learning something for a short span of time and forgetting it after it has served its purpose. So how can such a short lived knowledge prove useful in long run?
So, what does it take to make a good teacher?”
A good teacher has great responsibilities on his shoulders. He is responsible in making a difference in the lives of his students. For this, teaching demands a lot of enthusiasm, an open mind, a broad knowledge of subjects, a caring attitude and most importantly a love for learning and sharing that knowledge.
A good teacher needs to be passionate about his work. Why do we applaud Mark Thackeray (from the movie To Sir, with Love) or Mr. Hand (from the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High) or any such character? It’s because these characters portray the zeal which differentiates a good teacher from a sadist who tortures his students in history and algebra classes. And, we all have always wanted to have such teachers for ourselves and our children.
A good teacher knows that knowledge cannot be acquired in closed classrooms only. He understands that theory needs to be balanced well with practical lessons. He encourages the “why” from his students and comes prepared to answer the queries.
A teacher can make or mar his students’ growth and development. Therefore, it is very important that only those people who are sure that they can serve as a guide, friend, confidante and an educator should take up teaching as a profession.

Ghandigiri

I had to get my driving license made from Chandigarh. On our way, I asked my husband what his opinion was regarding the relevance of gandhism in today’s world.
“I don’t deny that if we all follow Gandhian values, the world would be a better place”, he said. “But it makes more economic sense in today’s world to not follow them”.
“Economic sense?” I was curious to know what he meant.
“Yes, economic sense. Let’s take the example of your driving license. You have two options. First, you can spend days or even weeks standing in queues and getting your license made in the so called correct way. For that you will not only invest a lot of time and energy but also will be asked to go to n number of government offices. The second method is to bribe the person responsible for the entire process. In fact, even if you don’t want to bribe him, he would expect it from you.”
I asked myself inwardly about what I would do. Did I have so much time to invest in merely toggling from one queue to another? More importantly, did I have that much patience? Sadly, my answer was no. He was right. I would not think twice in shelling out a few bucks to get my work done in lesser amount of time if I could.
“Corruption has seeped into every system to such an extent that even if you try to bypass it, it won’t let you do that. Time is money today and no one has so much patience or time to follow the rules.”
“But aren’t we responsible for this corruption. Had we all followed Gandhian values right from the beginning, this situation would not have emerged?” I asked.
“No. Think of a house where there are three people and there is a basket which has three apples. Earlier, each person could get one apple each and the thought of stealing never came to anyone’s mind because each person was content. Now the number of people in the house increased to 6 but the number of apples remained the same. Though, the 6 people tried to be content with half an apple each but how long would that be with the number of people increasing more rapidly than the amount of resources to fulfill their needs.”
I could not question his analogy. Can you give an answer to this?
Finally, we came to Chandigarh and after eating food I asked the maid of the house if she knew who Gandhi ji was. “Bade neta the na (he was a great leader)?” she said. I nodded. “Do you know what values he taught us?” I asked her. “Padai kahan se Karen bhabhi (how can I study)?” She said. She told me that she had 6 sisters and 2 brothers. Her father had died long back. Her mother and all the sisters were working in order to run the house and support the education of their brothers. “pad likh lenge to naukri mil jayegi. Phir shayad aise kaam na karna pade (if my brothers study, they will get jobs. Maybe, then we won’t have to work like this)”. Gandhi ji was just a big leader for her and nothing else. I’m sure it is the same for her other sisters also.
I went to the license office the next day. I didn’t have to stand in the queue because the person in charge knew my father-in-law very well. I was asked to go to another room. But I was not alone there. There were 5 more people like me in the room.
“You all have to take an online test. “
A girl was made to login first. She scored 4 out of ten and was declared fail by the computer. The officer wrote “pass” on her file and told her to go to the next room. “Do I have to give the driving test also?” she asked the officer. He just smiled and told her that she had cleared all formalities necessary and she didn’t need to worry.
The same process continued for all the other. Some people passed the online test and some didn’t. But that made no difference. They all had passed the test of being affiliated to someone who knew the officer or had bribed him enough to overlook the results of the test.
“If this test result means nothing then why are you making us take it?” I finally asked him. “Madam, formality to poori karni padti hai (we have to do this formality).”
I asked him what Gandhi ji meant to him. Is he respected merely because of his status as 'Father of the Nation'? Do people say Gandhi ji and Mahatma as a mark of respect or they simply do to appear politically correct? Or is it because of indoctrination by the educational system?
He smiled and said that if he were to follow gandhism, we all would have been waiting in a long queue without the certainty of our license being made today. He was candid enough to accept that Gandhi ji and his values sounded good only in books and lectures. He added that gandhism didn’t hold true in real world.
I stepped out of the office, onto the road. I asked the same questions to a rickshaw walla on the road. He gave me a confused look and asked me, “bethna hai ya mein jaaon (do you want to go somewhere in my rickshaw or should I leave)?” It was not his fault. It was his poverty and illiteracy which made him react like that.
After interviewing people from different spheres of life I realized that it is not Gandhi ji’s principles that have become irrelevant today; it is the impatience of modern times that has lead to the growth of corruption. The root cause of existing disharmony is the egoistic attitude and mutual distrust amongst people and nations.
Gandhi’s ideology about patience, persuasion and perseverance being the three crucial elements for attainment of peace and harmony, have become the need of the hour. Truth and non-violence alone can fight the existing global intolerance and hatred.

Male Chauvinism

The literal meaning of chauvinism is an attitude of superiority towards members of opposite sex. Since males in our society have somehow decided that they are the superior ones that are often proud to be chauvinistic.
Chauvinism is a characteristic which reflects ignorance. Remember Devdas and his modern version in Dev D! Dev’s chauvinism gave him the liberty of having all the fun with females around him and the same chauvinism lead to his break up when he got suspicious about the loyalty of his girlfriend.
Frankly, I had not witnessed male chauvinism till I was secure in my house. I had seen my father prepare morning tea for my mother at times when she overslept. My father knew more about our medication and vaccinations than my mother. My father would not hesitate in going for shopping with my mother. In fact, I can easily say that he can make the best choice of clothes in our family. But as I grew up and went out for studies and job, I came across a variety of people who could be easily categorized as being highly male chauvinistic. There were colleagues who did not want a working wife because according to them women were meant to look after kids and family. Nonetheless, they wanted a post graduate girl to marry. I could never understand the irony of this. Why would a guy want to make someone sacrifice her career for an orthodox bent of mind?
“Have you experienced male chauvinism in your married life?” I asked a female who lives next door. “Yes, chauvinism is deep rooted in all males. Some have it more while others have it to a lesser extent. We live in a nuclear family (it’s just my husband and me) and my husband is off from work on weekends. But still he expects me to wake up early in the morning and do all the household chores while he keeps sleeping till almost afternoon. “
I had gone to interview a male in my society to understand a male perspective. “Do you think men in India are more chauvinistic than in US?” I asked.
“I can’t answer for men in US. But I don’t think Indian men are chauvinistic. They are just a little more protective towards their family” he replied.
“Sarita, this tea is totally cold. You always forget to cover it. Why can’t you work properly?”
Sarita aunty came out, smiled sheepishly to hide her embarrassment and covered the tea cups.
“Sarita, I told you the tea is totally cold now. Go, make two more cups of tea” shouted the chauvinistic husband.
Poor wife went inside after being humiliated in front of a guest who must have been her daughters’ age and couldn’t do anything. If this male is not chauvinistic then I have got the meaning of chauvinism wrong.
Recently, I met a lady in my community who came to the park everyday for yoga. Since yoga was a common practice, we soon became friends. I took to yoga because I had grown up watching my mother do it. This helped her keep fit and flexible.
“What makes you do yoga every day, without fail?” I asked her.
“It makes me fight away anger and frustration on daily basis” was her surprising reply.
“My husband never thinks that I do anything right. Name calling, unnecessary and illogical arguments, use of abusive language, false accusations…. It’s part of our daily routine.” “In order to keep my cool, I do Pranayam and yoga.”
I was speechless for a moment. The lady is well qualified and had even worked for a long time. I could not understand how she could be so wrong in everything she did that her husband fought with her like animals almost every day.
After the yoga session she told me that before marriage she was also very carefree and independent. But marriage changed everything for her. At night I talked to my father and told him everything. I was very disturbed and wanted to talk it out with someone.
“Girls have to make a lot of sacrifices after marriage, beta” explained my father. “Unfortunately, this is how our society operates. Males always have the upper hand in all household and external affairs and females have to abide by what the males say. This is very important to maintain peace and happiness in the family.”
For the first time I was surprised by what my father was saying. A person who had never dominated in his house was telling me to give in to male chauvinism in order to have a happy married life.
After talking to these people I have realized how paradoxical our norms and principles are. Before marriage we teach our daughters that men and women are equal. There is no difference in their rights. But as soon as a female is married, her own parents tell her to be the sacrificing, the submissive, the non-expecting, the giving kind of a wife. In fact, so strong is the impact of this façade that I’m sure I would also be giving the same advice to my daughter once she is about to get married. After all, all parents want their daughters to have a trouble free married life.
But why is our society affected by male chauvinism the most? I don’t know the right answer to this but I personally feel that this characteristic creeps into every Indian male right from his birth. Right from female foeticide to distribution of sweets only on a male’s birth to extra pampering of a male child to first right to education and job; it’s all for a male child in India. I think we ourselves are to be blamed for polluting the minds of males and making them believe that they are the boss.

value of money

As the financial crunch encroaches upon every aspect of most of our lives, a very crucial question for all parents is how much is too much to let your kids know about your household finances? Should we let our children continue in blissful innocence, unaware that problems exist or should we include them in family discussions about money related problems? Is it possible to give them too much or too little information? This is a dubious question because where on one hand we all want our children to just enjoy their childhood without unnecessary burdens, it is quite important to make them understand the importance of money and why they are being denied certain privileges or things.
We have to be careful that our four small words “we can’t afford that” might not instill a feeling of deprivation and discontentment in the child. Secondly, we have to consider the age of our children also. How can we expect a 3 year old child to comprehend what economic crisis means? There is only so much that his small head can accumulate. The most important things for small children (let’s say children of 10 years of age or below) are safety, security and love. In their world, these three things are more important than money and it is our job as parents to explain to them that regardless of what may be going on with the household budget they can feel confident in those three things. Having done that we can think of explaining why certain things are being put on hold in an age appropriate manner. Older children may feel more secure if they are included in family discussions and will also be able to get prepared for any significant changes in your lives due to finances. You have to be careful that your children don’t misinterpret your and your spouses’ fights as their fault.
I believe that children should be educated about value of money and the family problems in an age appropriate manner leaving the knowledge of day to day expenses and bills out of the picture. The discussion undertaken with them should be such that they are not to blame themselves for the financial problems that arise; and that even though you owe money; they should feel confident that you will be able to take care of the tough times without letting it bother them. We have to let our children be children, and make sure that they're not saddled with the burden of economy and prevent ruining their gullible childhood.
Every child has to be intelligently and subtly educated about the value of money so that he/she can make wise decisions in the future. The best time to start this education is when your child is able to calculate and count. The best way to start this would be to fix a weekly or monthly allowance and condition the allowance according to their behavior. For example if your kid asks for money, you could ask them to earn it by doing some household chores like cleaning their room or doing laundry etc. This simple action will help them valuate the money he/she is getting.
Help your kid understand what budgeting of money means and how can it be helpful for him/her. Every person has a list of “needs” and “wants”. If we want to educate our children about the value of money we have to tell them to prioritize from their list of needs and wants. You should help your kid to understand that saving money will help him fulfill his wants in the future. A good way is to ask your kids to make their weekly budget utilizing only the allowance amount that they usually get and refrain from giving them more money apart from that allowance till it is very urgent.
When you give allowance to your child, try giving it in denominations that encourage savings. For example, if you are giving 5 dollars, give 5 1 dollar bills and encourage your child to put aside one dollar for saving.
Another good practice to help your kids appreciate the value of money is by setting up a bank account for them and educating them about how the value of money can increase with the interest they would receive on the money they invest.
Always remember that you have the power to create and mould your child’s financial imprint. Budgeting and saving is not taught in school, you have to be your child’s teacher as nobody else is going to show them how to succeed in life and avoid the huge financial pitfalls that lurk around every corner.

how to communicate with teen's

Technically, adolescence is a stage of transition in physical and mental human development that occurs between childhood and adulthood. This transition involves biological (i.e. pubertal), social, and psychological changes and is often referred to as a tough time both for the teenager and the parents. The confusion of being in middle of childhood and adulthood is what makes this stage very challenging and difficult. A teenager is neither too young to be shunned of all responsibilities nor is too old to be expected to behave in a mature manner. This perplexity in expectations builds the bridge of lack of communication between the teenager and the parents. But the question is whether the cold war can end? Can the ice be broken? How can you open lines of communication with your teenager?
I believe that the root cause for mostly all communication problems lies in implied statements that are not fully communicated between parents and adolescents. For example: parent: can you take out the trash?
Teen: ok
One hour later
Parent: I told you to take out the trash.
Teen: you didn’t say it had to be done now itself.
The parent felt the teen should have known they meant now.
Similarly there are numerous instances when teens feel that the parents should have known what they meant. These conversations can cause a lot of frustration and lead to unnecessary tension. The most important step in communicating with teens is the knowledge of effective communication. Effective communication is basically the exchange of thoughts, ideas and information using both verbal and nonverbal cues in such a way that each person understands and can act on what has been communicated in a way that seems appropriate and favorable. If parents communicate effectively with their teens, teenagers are able to trust their parents more which helps in better and firmer foundation of their growth. They feel that their parents are actively listening (and not merely hearing), which shows that their concerns are being heard. This makes them realize that their thoughts, ideas and feelings matter to their parents. Try giving your teen your full attention because if you take out time to listen to them, there is high probability that they will listen to you in return.
Try to let your teen express himself or herself because expressing one’s feeling is a very healthy thing. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to agree with all your teen’s feelings; this simply means that you acknowledge his/her feelings. If you cut short your teen’s conversation by statements like “I don’t want to hear this kind of talk again”, they will never be able to open up to you. Again, the key word is listening and not merely hearing.
The next step could be to educate your teens’ that every action they do has a consequence. Parents tend to punish their teens by taking away something the adolescent enjoys; for example, no TV for a week. Let’s analyze a situation for this. You tell your teen to do some household chores but the teen leaves without doing them. Instead of criticizing him or punishing him by not letting him watch TV for 2 days, you could make your teen do your chores as well as you had to do his chores for him. Actions will speak louder than words if you let your teen experience the natural consequence of his actions. It will also make them realize that they will be held accountable for what they do. Your teens will get more privileges as they grow older but it is very important for them to realize that extra freedom comes with more responsibilities.
Don’t criticize your teen’s actions. Try taking the positive approach. Instead of pointing out what's wrong with your teen’s actions, try describing what is right and then what still needs to be done. A little encouragement from you will go a long way in strengthening your relationship with your teen. Alvin price has rightfully quoted: "Parents need to fill a child's bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke enough holes in it to drain it dry."
Find some time to spend with your teen by indulging yourself in some common activity. This will help him open up to you as it will give you common topics to talk about.
Adolescence is tough on both parents and teenagers. But for once try and put yourself in your teen’s shoes and remember that you were also a teen once and you must have faced the same problems then.

mother's day

Mother’s day is celebrated to honor mothers in each family. Though it is celebrated on different days in different parts of the world (because the day has a number of different origins), the essence of celebrating the greatness of motherhood remains the same everywhere. Some interesting facts and statistics about mother’s day as assimilated by US census bureau are:
• There are about 82.5 million mothers in USA
• Mother's Day is widely reported as the peak day of the year for long distance telephone calls
• Mother's Day is the busiest day of the year for many restaurants
• Retailers report that Mother's Day is the second highest gift-giving holiday in the United States, Christmas being the highest
Sophia Loren had quoted “When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” So on mother’s day let the children do some thinking to make their mothers’ day as special and memorable as can be. Mother’s day has been celebrated to pay tribute to the personification of goddess since ancient times. If this day has been so important since time immemorial, then why not make it one of the most important and cherished day for our own mother as well?
So, do you want to add a tinge of exclusivity to your mother’s special day? Do you want to surprise her with an expensive and exquisite gift to show how much she means to you? Well, you are at the right place. Here is a list of some classy gift options which would definitely cast a touch of luxury to your loving gesture. We will first classify all the choices into various categories like practical, emotional, fashionable, healthy, household articles, travel etc.
Household articles:
Every woman likes to decorate her house with exclusive decoration pieces to make her home look beautiful, warm and elegant. There are few ideas which could help you light up both your mothers’, mother-in-laws’ or grandmothers’ living room or bedroom and her spirits.
1. Handmade Persian rugs: These rugs are both a form of art and an investment because they are very exclusive. The reason for their exclusivity lies in the fact that they are purely made by hand by individual weavers rather than in factories. Also, Persian rugs are made of all natural wool and silk and do not have synthetic silk or wool. Another reason for their exclusivity is their uniqueness. Every Persian carpet is different from another, even when they come from the same city or even the same weaver. Persian rugs are named after the city or the region in which they were made. Among the most popular ones are Tabriz, Bidjar, Nain, Qom, Hamadan, Mud, Meshkin, Mashhad, Kirman, etc.
2. Hand blown glass items: You could think of gifting anything from platters, ornaments, animal figurines, vases, bowls, flowers, paperweights, beads made out of hand blown glass. All these items will be exclusive because hand blown glass itself is a unique and ancient form of art. To add a personal touch, all the keepsakes can also be engraved with a personalized message. For more information regarding such gift items you could visit the site of “The Glassblowing Shop”, http://www.glassblowingshop.com/. This is a good hand blown glass store with five locations in the United States.
3. Antique rocking chair: We all have often visualized grandmothers knitting or spinning yarn in their rocking chair. Mother’s day is not only for our mothers but also for our grandmothers, mother-in-laws. These rocking chairs can be highly ornate and extremely elegant in quality and craftsmanship. They come both in contemporary and traditional styles lending a touch of sophistication and character to the interiors. Personally, I feel an antique rocking chair would definitely bring a smile on your granny’s face as she recollects her good old days.
4. Lisa carrier Designs: Christina Aguilera, Liz Hurley, Pam Anderson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Sharon and Ozzy Osbourn, Michael Richards, Bruce Willis, Cher and Kate Hudson, Pierce Brosnan has them. Why not make your mother a proud owner of fine European style artwork and let her join the likes of the above mentioned celebrities. Lisa’s collection is an assemblage of beautiful Gothic candles, whimsical fairy journals, jewelry boxes and Tapestries. The hand decorated candles are adorned with embellishments from around the world and are one of their kinds. You can visit the site http://www.lisacarrier.com/ for more information regarding Lisa’s work and the prices of the same.
Fashionable:
Every woman likes to adorn classy clothes and jewelry to make her look sophisticated and graceful. What could be a better occasion than mother’s day to let your mother chase her dreams of possessing some of the finest clothes and accessories?
5. Cashmere bed jacket, Robe, Spa Pajama’s: The very word cashmere invigorates a feeling of richness and supple luxury. Pure cashmere is as highly priced and desirable as gold and diamonds. Gifting a cashmere garment to your mother will surely add warmth to loving thoughts she would always have of you for years to come.
6. Exquisite Lingerie: Luscious silk or satin lingerie would surely bring out the sensual and flirty side of your mother. After all don’t our mothers deserve to feel naughty after all the day’s work they do? There are some very exclusive brands whose very name oozes out romance and sexiness like Agent Provocateur, SpoyIt, La Perla, Victoria secrets etc. Some of these brands might be lesser known but they are extremely sophisticated, high-end and perfect for any woman.
7. Antique Jewelry: Jewels have always been an integral part in enhancing a woman’s beauty and it’s rightfully said that old is gold. That is why antique jewelry is expensive because it is the epitome of elegance, charm and history of different civilizations that existed much before us. The most genuine characteristic of antique jewelry is the classic grace and the unmatched designs it possesses. It is now seen as a very fashionable ornament to be worn on almost every occasion with any dress and without the restriction of age group. Gifting a timeless and classy piece of antique jewelry would undoubtedly convey to your mother how precious she is to you.
8. Papyrus: Papyrus can be easily called a rich girl’s hallmark. It is a gift shop with seasonal decorations and a lot of cards and stationary. The cards at Papyrus are made out of luxurious and delicate paper and there is nothing raunchy about them. Though it is a bit pricy but the gifts and cards are so unique that your mother will feel very special if she was bought something from there. You can get beautiful blank cards from this shop which you can use to pen down your personal feelings for your mother. Also, you can get paintings hand painted on papyrus which would make a special and unique gift. It would not only increase the beauty of your mothers’ living room but also leave a timeless impression of love and affection on her mind.
Practical:
There are certain practical gift ideas which can be personalized to make them special for your mothers’ special occasion.
9. Ipod : If your mom is a music lover, you might consider gifting her an Ipod with her name or a message engraved on it. A personalized gift bears the signature of your love and feelings, and hence, stands to be even more valuable for your dear ones. Good news is that Apple is offering free laser engraving till May 13th. The Laser Engraving iPod accepts up to 44 characters that fit in two lines for the iPod Video, up to 23 characters that fit in two lines for the Nano, and up to 38 characters that fit in one line for the Shuffle. For more information regarding laser engraving you can visit the site http://store.apple.com/.
Health:
It’s rightfully said that health is wealth. And for a person who is very health conscious, an exclusive health package would be the best gift to give.
10. Personal makeover package: How about treating your mom to a full style consultation, a color analysis or simply a make-up lesson to up-date her look. As per these packages, your Mom will receive expert advice on the best colors to wear for her skin tone, and the best ways to show off her shape. Beauty and style brings about a unique kind of confidence and radiance in personality. With advice given on the best looks for her lifestyle and all other sorts of style and color tips and guidance your mother will feel great and have a new zest for life. Most personal makeover packages will not only teach her about the best colors to wear to enhance her look but also demonstrate the most ideal make-up shades for her skin tone as well as how to apply them. Some of the best packages also include cosmetics chosen at the time of consultation to ensure your mother can take home the best make-up colors for her that she likes and will want to wear in future. A bouquet will add fragrance just in her living room but the change this package could bring in her would fill her entire life with fragrance and she would remember this gesture of love for her entire life.
11. Memberships: If your mother is a health freak then you could plan on gifting a membership of an elite health club or gym which she has always fascinated about. But if your mother is a busy lady and would not appreciate another outdoor activity, you might want to appoint a personal trainer for a month or few months that would go to her home and guide her through her exercises. The Trainer would assist her in improving not only her strength and endurance, but her agility and mental focus as well.
12. Spa package: Our mother’s pamper us all our lives; why not let them unwind and get pampered on their special day? There are different types of spas, from day spas and urban spas to weekend spas, destination spas, hotel spas and spa resorts. You can choose any one of the below mentioned spas to let your mother relax and get de-stressed.
· Day spas: Day spas offer all the facilities and services of a health spa or hotel spa without any residential accommodation.
· Destination spas: A destination spa is a spa which offers residential accommodation services for you. A destination spa, also known as a 'health spa', offers a two, three or more night stay, allowing you to access the full benefits of a total spa experience.
· Health farms: Health farms are the ideal de-stress option for people looking to relax, unwind and get away from in all for a day or two.
· Hotel spas: Hotel spas are usually a luxury spa venue based in a regular hotel. A hotel spa differs from a destination spa in the fact that spa treatments in a hotel are bought in an a la carte manner; you simply purchase the spa or beauty treatments that take your fancy while staying at the hotel.
· Spa resorts: There are specialized spa resorts like Ananda spa in India which would rejuvenate you both physically and spiritually by helping you discover a unique union between body, mind and soul. It is basically an overlap between a destination spa, hotel spa and spa resort.
· Urban spas: Urban spas are found in inner city areas like London and Manchester. Urban spa venues often offer the same services as a destination or hotel spa. However, due to their location urban spas are often used in the same manner as a day spa - a quick in/out spa and beauty treatment facility.
Travel:
Who doesn’t like to travel and go on vacations? You could convert one of your mothers dream destination into her mother’s day gift and surprise her. I’m sure your mother would welcome a de-stressing vacation to unwind and relax.
13. Wine tour: Is your mother a connoisseur of wine? If yes, then why not let her plunge into the aromatic richness of Napa valley which would give her a chance to lay hands on one of world’s largest collection of wine at one place. If Napa valley is too far then maybe you could just plan on gifting a bottle of her favorite wine.
14. Smartbox: The Smartbox™ is the next generation of gifts that allows individuals to choose their destinations or activities around the given theme. For example the US collection consists of three themes: Adventure, Health & Wellness, and Hotel. It is a CD size box featuring a full color guidebook with full details of each activity or escape pertaining to your selected theme. This gift idea helps the recipient choose their own destination or activity from more than 600 activities and escapes offered via the different schemes, which makes it more interesting and exciting. It’s a perfect gift because each Smartbox™ is all-inclusive package: you won’t have anything else to pay on site (but your travel)! The pricing starts from $69 and the voucher last up to a year and a half.
Emotional:
Mother’s day is a day when you can connect emotionally with your mother and let her know how special and important she is for you. It won’t hurt to go an extra mile to do something extra-ordinary to show your love and affection on her special day.
15. Crossword puzzle: If your mother is interested in crosswords and waits for the newspaper in the morning in order to test her skills every day, this could be an exciting idea. You could ask a local newspaper to frame a crossword in such a way that one clue spells out her name or I love you mum or happy mother’s day.
I’ll like to sum up with a nice quote on mothers now. "A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. " A mother is the best gift god has given us. Let’s take out some time to let her feel special, happy and loved.

The Magic of Literature

Welcome all! Today I’m going to give you a glimpse into the magical world of literature. Did you know that literature has healing powers? No, so then, come aboard this journey which will take you into the enchanting world of literature.

Human beings are entrapped in the vicious circles of happy and sad emotions from which they have never been able to come out. Each one of us has felt the urge of venting out at some point of the other. Some people weep, some watch a movie and some might talk it out with a family member or a friend. But there is one more method of getting rid of the sadness which is both effective and creative. All you need for that is a pen, a paper and the heart which wants to say it all.

It’s a personally tested method of relieving the burden of pain and grief. Whenever I feel low, I just scribble in down on a piece of paper. As my emotions keep taking the shape of words, my heart starts feeling lighter and peaceful. It’s because I know that I am the boss here. I have the authority of expressing whatever comes to my mind. Nobody is there to judge it. The words on the paper express the most intensified emotions of my heart. It doesn’t only help me get rid of the depressive emotional state but also assists in the purgation of my emotions. And I find myself in a much more balanced state of mind than ever before.

I have been writing for a long time now, and now my heart has developed an attachment with the works written by me as they represent to be most helpful and understanding in times of need. Many a times when I write something and post my blog, I get responses from other people saying that they understand the emotions conveyed in my work as they can relate to it. It helps in boosting my confidence in writing as well as brings me closer to a network of friends.

So what are you waiting for? Next time you feel sad or lowly, just let your emotions flow through your words on to a paper and feel the difference.

importance of celebration

For some people, birthdays and anniversaries are “just another day” but for some people they are days to celebrate and remember. Which category of people do you belong to?
Don’t you think that out of 365 days there should be at least a few days which should be excitedly awaited? Shouldn’t some days be special enough to be given exclusive treatment so that you can cherish their memories for the next 365 days? Wouldn’t life become very monotonous if there weren’t some special occasions to rejoice and make merry? Shouldn’t there be some particular days that you can label as “your days”?

If you think the answer to all the above questions is yes then why do people become passive and apathetic as they grow older? Why do people lose charm of birthdays and anniversaries with time?

A few congratulations and celebrations can make a person feel very special and cared for. Everyone likes to be pampered some time or the other. This not only makes those days memorable but also strengthens the bond of affection amongst people. The tragedy is that as we all are becoming more and more engrossed in our busy lives today, we have forgotten the importance of these special occasions. For most of us, these days just come and go without making any difference to anyone.

Let’s not lose the essence of celebration. Let’s not lose the delight of the child within us. Let time not take away the passion of revelry from within us. Let our walls always be ornamented with the glimpses of fond memories of our “special days”.

So what are you waiting for? Close this browser and plan an exciting celebration for your loved one right away. The smile on the face of your beloved will be worth all the efforts you take to make his/her day unforgettable.

Cracking CAT

This time of the year you can generally see anxiety and stress on the faces of all B-School aspirants because they are continuously preparing themselves for the biggest challenge of their lives. “Cracking CAT”. Those 2.5 hours decide the future of thousands of hopefuls. Strategizing, mock CAT’s, time management: these are all mandatory and have their own importance when it comes to making the CAT attempt meaningful. After all success is just one correct answer away!

The first and foremost thing to do is set up a schedule for yourself. CAT preparation involves a lot of discipline because it’s all about concentration and reflex. You will have to be mentally prepared to sacrifice your weekend fun and long sleeping hours to practice the mock tests. These mock tests are very important and should be taken very seriously because they help you gauge your caliber very accurately. You get a clear picture of where you stand, what are your strengths and weaknesses and which areas you need to concentrate more on. At the end of every mock test all candidates are given a thorough solution list. Answering more and more mock tests is not the right approach. What is important is to analyze the solutions and use them when you spot a problem of similar nature sometime later on. The next crucial factor is time management. There is hardly enough time to read the question and think about its solution in CAT. You need to be very quick and sharp to crack the code. You cannot afford to be slow from the very beginning. The momentum has to be build right from the very question itself. Another useful strategy is to know your strengths clearly. There are different sections in CAT. You might be good in some and might need extra time for others. Try to tackle the sections you are good at in the beginning. This will not only boost your confidence but will help you manage your remaining time more judiciously.

Always remember, every person is not a born genius and CAT is not only for those who are blessed with extraordinary intellect. With strict perseverance and discipline, you can also make your dreams come true.

Karva Chauth

'Karwa Chauth' is a ritual of fasting observed by married Hindu women seeking the longevity, well-being and prosperity of their husbands. It’s mostly celebrated by married women in the northern and western parts of India. Karva Chauth comes nine days before Diwali on 'kartik ki chauth'. Right before this festival, markets are buzzing with women buying bangles, cosmetics, new clothes, earthen pots etc for the festival. Another tradition associated with this festival is that of applying Henna on hands. Henna symbolizes luck and prosperity. Mehandi wala’s make most of their profit during this time as women are ready to shell out quite a lot of money due to the heavy rush encountered in these days around each and every mehandi wala.

After eating a meal before dawn (this meal is called sargi), the women don’t eat or drink for the entire day. The fast is broken at night after offering prayers to the moon.

My husband was not with me for my first Karva Chauth. Nontheless, he didn’t let this affect the fun of this festival for me. Though he was in USA at that time he made sure that I didn’t miss him even for a single moment throughout the day. I was woken up in the morning with a rose bud and a sweet good morning message from him. And the rose bud deliveries kept pouring in throughout the day at regular intervals of 1 hour, all accompanied by different messages. What was more interesting was that the rose buds kept increasing in number with the advancement of time (every hour I got one more rose bud than the previous hour). By evening I had my entire room filled with fragrance of fresh, red roses. At the time of breaking my fast, technology helped us. I saw the moon and talked to him on the webcam before breaking my fast. Though he had done all this to make sure that I didn’t miss him, I actually missed him more than ever that day because I wanted him to be there with me so that I could personally thank him for making it such a memorable day for me.

traffic menace in india

Gone are the days when I used to love to go for a long drive to feel relaxed and rejuvenated. Driving today is a more of a nuisance than being pleasurable. More and more vehicles are hitting the roads today but the agonizing part is that people are becoming more and more careless and irresponsible behind the wheels. Everybody seems to be in a hurry nowadays. It’s difficult for people to even wait for 30 seconds at the traffic signals. I have witnessed people (especially bikers) jumping red lights umpteen number of times. It’s not only dangerous for them; it’s hazardous even for the other commuters.

The other day I was waiting for the green light at the traffic signal, when I witnessed a brutal accident. A man, with his wife and a small child, was on the bike and came crashing into an oncoming white Santro. In spite of being responsible for the safety of his family at his back, he drove past the red light straight into the arms of death. The intensity of impact on the man and his family increased because he was driving the bike blazingly. Moreover, neither he nor his wife was wearing a helmet. The man died on the spot where as the wife and his child were rushed to the nearby hospital where the child was declared dead. The wife is still in ICU as she incurred deep injuries. More than the physical pains she must be undergoing currently, just imagine the emotional trauma she has to live with for the rest of her life. Patience of a few seconds could have saved her and her family from this unfortunate tragedy.

Another major reason for accidents on roads is the way people try to overtake the other vehicles. Indian drivers love nothing more than to overtake, one hand on the wheel while the other continually hits the horn. It’s as if the only law of the road is that drivers are obliged to overtake any vehicle they encounter and must do so while furiously honking their horn. There is scant regard for oncoming traffic. Impatience and arrogance has crept deep into the system. This impatience is causing havoc on roads and it’s high time we start realizing our responsibilities while driving in order to ensure an accident free travel for everyone on roads. It’s high time we start respecting life. It’s high time we stop aping west only in fashion and start learning traffic etiquettes from them as well. It’s also high time that the government becomes stricter and more diligent in conducting its duties. Why should people be allowed to drive away unquestioned by bribing the patrolling policemen? Why should people be allowed to use their powerful sources to sober down the traffic police? Why should the traffic follow the rule of “the survival of the fittest”?

Child marriage - a curse

I started watching a serial called “Balika Vadhu” on colors recently. It’s like a cool wave of fresh air as it brings respite from the conventional “saas bahu” serials. Besides breaking the monotony of serials showing scheming women, it highlights the still prevalent evil practice of child marriage in India, especially rural India. This serial has portrayed the serious subject of the various problems a girl faces when she is married in her teenage in a very mature and entertaining way. A girl of 12 years of age, who is more interested in playing hide and seek, is suddenly expected to behave like a grown up married woman. She is restricted from participating in many activities because she is the daughter-in-law of the house. She is not allowed to continue her studies. She is under the constant vigilance of an authoritative grandmother whose commands everyone has to obey. She misses her parents, her village and her friends but is helplessly bound to her new family now. The serial shows how a carefree, naïve and immature girl is trying to adjust to the unquestionable and stern ways of her in-laws house. Written and scripted by Purnendu Shekhar, Balika Vadhu has a message at the end of every episode to discourage the practice of child marriage across the country.

Whenever I watch this serial, I always question the modernity and growth of our country. Has our country really developed? Does development only means building sky scrapers in metropolitan cities? Has our country been able to break free from the horrendous traditions of child marriage, sati, dowry etc? Though these practices are something which urban India may not relate to but they are still very much prevalent in rural and tribal parts of India. The primary reason for this is ignorance. These belts of tribal and rural areas are still living in the 18th century due to lack of education and awareness. Unfortunately, girl children have to bear the brunt of this. Many parents try to validate this gruesome act of child marriage by giving numerous cultural, traditional, religious and economical reasons. Poverty is the biggest culprit which engulfs the life of a girl child. Girls are either seen as an economic burden or valued as capital for their exchange value in terms of goods or money. Many parents tend to curtail the education of their girls and marry them off, due to fear of the high level of physical violence and abuse encountered en route to, and even at, school.

Child marriage limits young girls’ skills, resources, knowledge, social support, mobility and autonomy. Young married girls have little power in relation to their husbands and in-laws. They are therefore extremely vulnerable to domestic violence, abuse and abandonment. Violence may include physical, sexual or psychological abuse. It is one of the most persistent forms of sanctioned sexual abuse of girls and young women. The young age of child brides, their limited power in decision making and reduced economic opportunities compound their vulnerability to multiple health risks. These girls are also more likely to be infected by HIV.

Though people like Raja Rammohun Rai have tried to bring about reforms in the society since early 19th century, still such practices continue to daunt the lives of young girls. It’s time that we all realize our responsibility towards such helpless girls and try to educate at least one person in our life time. If we all pledge to educate at least one person, it would definitely help in transforming many lives.

modernity causes havoc

Unhealthy lifestyles and growing “western” impact is having adverse effects on the innocent and naïve minds of children, especially teenagers. Incidents of children wanting to go under the knife for procedures like breast implants, liposuction, rhinoplasty (nose jobs), chin correction, scar removal, dimple creation, and even Botox for facial reshaping are becoming more common day by day. While it is mostly girls who are lining up for such procedures, Dr Viral Desai, a leading cosmetic surgeon, says there are young boys who approach him for a gynaecomastia rectification (removal of chubby female-like breasts).

Teenage girls are allured into the fantasy land of getting transformed into Cinderellas by the magic wand of a plastic or cosmetic surgeon due to the ignorance about the after effects of such temporary beauty bliss. It’s rightly said that incomplete knowledge is a dangerous thing. Teenagers are usually misled by what they see and hear through media about models and film stars going under the scalpel in order to “enhance their assets”. Little is known to their immature minds that such procedures can be harmful for a developing body. Performing any kind of surgical procedure to correct or reshape the growing and developing bones is risky since the job can go awry when the bones continue to grow. Other reasons for the insistence of youngsters to experiment with their bodies are the mounting peer pressure and anxious parents. Cosmetic physician Dr Jamuna Pai says that there have been instances when children as young as four or five have been brought in by their parents for fairness treatment. Surprisingly, there are parents who trigger anxieties about how they look in the children. This is the most unfortunate scenario where a child develops inferiority complex due to the attitude of his or her own parents.

Obesity, which is becoming a major reason of concern in modern times, is another important reason. Unhealthy and inactive lifestyles along with growing popularity and easy availability of junk food are the foremost causes of obesity. Youngsters of today are hardly seen in the parks. Video games, computers etc have taken place of bat and ball. With less physical activity, the body is hardly able to consume the extra fat which gets accumulated due to layers of cheese and bread. Bariatric surgeon Dr Muffazal Lakadawala says he is used to children showing up and asking for surgery to lose weight. “But they are neither mature enough to handle it nor can they stick to the dietary restrictions it mandates. Unless it is an extreme case with medical problems involved, I do not encourage such requests,’’ he says.

The worst part is that many children go to the doctors’ with a friend and without their parents’ knowledge. In such cases it is the responsibility of the doctor to guide the ignorant children properly and refuse to entertain them. Moreover, parents themselves should educate their children about the dangerous effects of such surgeries if they sense any such inclination in their child. Youngsters should be encouraged to follow a healthy and active lifestyle to avoid their minds from getting tainted with such thoughts.

crushed in devotion

August 27, 2003: 39 pilgrims killed, 125 injured when devotees who were waiting to bathe heaved over a flimsy fence triggering a stampede at Kumbh Mela bathing festival in Nasik, Maharashtra.
January 25, 2005: 340 devotees trampled to death during an annual pilgrimage at Mandhra Devi temple in Maharashtra.
March 7, 2006: 28 killed and 101 injured in two bombings across Varanasi. First blast at a Varanasi temple followed by another at Varanasi Cantonment Railway Station crowded with pilgrims.
August 3, 2008: 162 dead while 47 are injured in a stampede triggered by rumors of a rockslide at Naina Devi Temple in Himachal Pradesh.
August 10, 2008: Two pilgrims died when over 250 people were left stranded on stairs leading to ancient Mahadeva temple in Kota district of north-western Rajasthan collapsed.
September 30, 2008: 147 devotees lost their lives in a stampeded triggered by rumors of a bomb in the temple.

This chronology of temple tragedies reveals the unfortunate fact that in spite of loosing so many precious lives in the past, we have still not matured enough to implement proper rules and regulations in order to ensure a smooth flow of crowds in places of worship. Ironically, stampedes have taken more lives than bomb blasts in India. In 2008 alone so far, over 360 people lost their lives in stampedes as compared to 156 killed in bomb blasts. The worst part is when there is a tragedy like a bomb blast; at least some action is taken by the government. The security is tightened (though only superficially and momentarily), arrests are made, people themselves become more cautious etc. But there is little done to prevent stampedes. Stampedes happen and are conveniently forgotten till the next one claim valuable lives again.

My heart grieves at the sad state of affairs as far as management at religious places is concerned. Has the life of our people become so inexpensive that it can be sacrificed at the altar of worship? Is it so difficult to implement some rules to manage devotees properly? Can we not spare some manpower and money to ensure a chaos free flow of traffic in temples, rather than using abundance of these resources to just build concrete jungles?

We have a timeless tradition of religious and cultural pilgrimages where gatherings running into lakhs of people on days of special religious or spiritual significance are a regular feature. While the major pilgrim destinations are usually geared towards handling large crowds, the smaller ones come to notice only when a tragedy strikes — the recent stampede at Jodhpur, for instance. Stampedes are mainly caused by inefficient crowd management when an administration is caught off guard by an abrupt swelling up of numbers of worshippers. There are places of worship like Vaishno devi mandir where only a limited number of people are allowed to go inside the cave at one time. Though there are long queues of devotees waiting for hours at a stretch, it ensures a smooth flow of crowd. Those who have religious fervor understand the value of waiting and are consequently rewarded with a hassle free visit to their deity.

There should be a continuous monitoring of the number of people who are allowed to worship in the temple at one time. For others, there should be proper rest areas made so that people of all age groups can wait patiently and conveniently. People should be allowed to move forward only in proper queues and for this surveillance sufficient number of security guards should be on patrol. Help can be taken by NGO’s and volunteers who are always there to render their selfless services. Security should definitely be increased on special religious occasions in anticipation of larger crowds.

If our government takes few steps towards the improvement of crowd management at religious places, these places would never have to witness the agony of grieving devotees and the anguish of wailing survivors.

freedom from smoke rings

The world health organization had estimated that there were around 94 million smokers in India in 2007. Surely the numbers have risen this year (it’s estimated to be around 120 million), engulfing the lives of not just the smokers but also the non-smokers (it’s said that passive smoking is as injurious as active smoking). According to a recent study, India’s death toll due to tobacco smoking will be around 1 million people per year, by the year 2010. This horrendous habit kills not only from diseases like cancer and lung diseases but also from tuberculosis and heart attacks. In order to discourage people from endangering their lives for a temporary high or relaxation, the government will introduce a no smoking policy to be effective from October 2, 2008.

"From October 2, the government would introduce the no smoking policy in all indoor establishments," Union Health Minister Anbumani Ramadoss told reporters in Bangalore on Tuesday. "Smoking will not be permitted in any private or public building. Companies can no longer have designated smoking rooms. Smokers will have to step outside into open space if they wish to smoke," said Ramadoss who has been in the forefront in pushing for the ban on tobacco and tobacco products.

The rule applies to all companies, including IT companies, small cafes, restaurants, pubs or discotheques. Hotels having more than 30 seat arrangement would have to create a separate enclosure for smokers and a separate ventilation arrangement as per the act, he said.
I personally feel that it’s a very positive step in the pursuit of building a healthier and cleaner India. Even though the ill effects of smoking are well known even to chain smokers, but the ready availability of space to have a puff doesn’t give them chance to think twice before plunging into the whirlpool of this slow destruction. I’m confident that this policy will restrict a lot of casual smokers and only those who just cannot resist the urge to have a puff will come out on the streets. Hopefully factors like going out on the street, finding the company of a compulsive smoker, wastage of time etc will dampen the spirits of even chain smokers in some time.

Smoking is registering a steady decline in western countries as the non-smoking policies are becoming stricter and the general awareness about the dangerous after-effects of smoking is increasing amongst people. Unfortunately, India didn’t seem to ape the west in this regard till now with the percentage of smokers increasing every year in India. Let’s all hope that laws like the one being imposed from October 2 will help in bringing about a drastic change in the present scenario.

Sacrifises of a working mother

I owe a lot to my mother as far as my upbringing is concerned. As far as I can go down the memory lane, I remember my mother being besides me, always. She was there to bundle me up in her arms when I came back from school, she was there to make sure I ate adequate and nutritious meals, she was there to listen to all my woes (be it school, college, marriage), she was there to cast away all my fears and apprehensions, she was there to help me make tough decisions of life. In a nutshell, she was there whenever and wherever I needed her. I personally think that it was possible primarily because she had time for her children. And that was possible because she was a housewife. But at the same time, I wonder if she sacrificed much more than she had to. She is an educated and smart female who could have made her mark in any field she ventured into. But she chose to utilize her intelligence and exuberance in shaping her children’s life, in the confines of her home.

It’s a sour truth of life that if you want to raise your children efficiently, you have to let go of your career ambitions for some time. You cannot expect to climb the ladder of professional success and take care of your children at the same time. I have so many friends who had to either switch jobs or job profiles or be content with a less grueling designation in order to be able to devote more time to their kids.

Researches show a devastating impact that working parents have on their children who hardly get to see their parents. With less than 20 minutes spent with their parents every day, this is only enough time to eat a quick breakfast together or have a couple of bed-time stories. The time a working couple spends with their children daily, is barely enough to develop any emotional bonding between them. How can you expect your child to nurture good values, morals and principles when there is no one to teach these things to them? It’s said that a child’s mind is like wet clay, you can mould it anyway you like. Childhood is the time when you can make or mar his development. It’s very important to provide emotional, physical and social security to a child so that he or she can grow up to be a confident, smart and intelligent individual. Unfortunately, the onus of good upbringing of a child falls entirely on a female. With changing times, growing need for personal space, development and independence and plethora of opportunities available, how many females are satisfied with this option? Does raising kids always require creative and vocational scarifies from females? Shouldn’t it be the responsible of both the parents to mutually decide on a course of action?

I personally think that the male should give full support to the female in helping her fulfill both her duties, that of a mother as well as of a professional. Just imagine what good a depressed mother would do for a child in contrast to being an active and creative guardian. Nowadays there are numerous part time job options available which can help females work from home. This helps them to be with their child as well as prevents rusting of their creative personality.

The sabbatical from career to raise a child does not necessarily have to cost a female her confidence, growth and independence. A child completes a woman by imbibing more love and affection in her. The journey from womanhood to motherhood can be made more beautiful if a woman is encouraged to bolster her creative potential along with her other responsibilities.